Comfort Eating

Like many women, I’ve struggled with issues around food in my past.  It’s a tough thing because we need food to survive, but at the same time, we get so many conflicting messages around it from society, our families and media.  A lot of times, food has been used as comfort as a child – even doctors would sometimes give me a sweet treat (lolly) when I was given a shot and upset.  And if you had a bad day at school? Out would come the cookies.  Having spoken to many women about this, with similar stories, it’s no wonder that we may come to equate food with dealing with our emotions.  And note, this isn’t just a problem for women.  Many men also bury their emotions and choose food as their ‘weapon of choice’.

But, this can become a problem, particularly if you start to use food all the time instead of dealing with your emotions.  Overeating can lead to a bad cycle:  feel a “bad” emotion – eat food – feel badly about overeating or eating something that you have labelled as ‘bad’ – eat more, etc, etc, etc.  Instead of facing the emotion, you may end up gaining weight and feeling worse and worse.

So, how do you get out of the cycle.  Here are a few tips from Dr. Sonia Greenidge as reported by Psychologies in their Feb 2014 issue:

1.  Before you eat something, ask yourself if you are truly hungry or if you are upset about something.  Physical hunger is felt in the stomach, while emotional hunger is usually felt in the mouth, with specific cravings.  Rate your hunger level from 1 (very hungry) to 10 (very full).  If you are below a 5, then it may mean that you are dealing with physical hunger…otherwise, it may just be emotional hunger.

2.  If you are emotionally hungry, sit with the emotions.  What is going on for you right now?  What are your feelings?  Your thoughts?  Your bodily reactions?  Do you have any images in your mind that relate to that feeling?  Accept the feelings.  You can also write them down and see if the thoughts you have are helpful or not.  Use a thought record and see if you can come up with a more helpful thought.

3. Figure out what triggers your emotional eating.  For me, it was around boredom and feeling out of control.  I would begin to focus on my negative thoughts and just want to bury them.  But once I began to recognise the triggers, I also could stop the thoughts and grab a water or do something instead.

4. Challenge your typical behaviours by placing reminders around to question what is going on.  One idea is to place the question, What am I feeling?, on your fridge.  Think about short-term gains versus long-term aims.

If you feel that you are overwhelmed by all of this, seek out some support.  A CBT therapist, like me, can be really useful in figuring it all out and getting at the root of why you feel the way you do.  Or join a group, like Overeaters Anonymous.

It’s a long journey sometimes to figuring out what’s going on with you and food.  You can do it.  You are worth it.  Yes, you truly can do it.

My comfort food of choice

Advertisements

Willpower

As the gyms start to slowly empty of those who had such great plans, and the diets begin to fail of those who just want a bit of chocolate, along comes a fabulous article from TED.  Kelly McGonigal talks about why it’s just so darned tough to stick to a resolution…or the science of willpower.  You can find the original here, or snippets below taken from the article:

I define willpower as the ability to do what matters most, even when it’s difficult or when some part of you doesn’t want to. That begins to capture why it’s so difficult — because everything we think of as requiring willpower is usually a competition between two conflicting selves. There’s a part of you who is looking to the long-term and thinking about certain goals, and then another part of you that has a completely different agenda and wants to maximize current pleasure and minimize current stress, pain and discomfort. The things that require willpower pit those competing selves against each other. Willpower is the ability to align yourself with the brain system that is thinking about long-term goals — that is thinking about big values rather than short-term needs or desires.

People come up with resolutions that don’t reflect what matters most to them, and that makes them almost guaranteed to fail. Even if that behavior could be very valuable and helpful — like exercise — if you start from the point of view of thinking about what it is you don’t really want to do, it’s very hard to tap into willpower. If there’s no really important “want” driving it, the brain system of self-control has nothing to hold on to.

Things to think about…At the end of 2014 — on January 1st, 2015, looking backwards — what are you seriously going to be grateful that you did? Is there a change you know that you’re going to be glad you made? What would that feel like? That can tap into something that feels really authentic.

One of the things I always encourage people to do is to not try to do things alone, and to start outsourcing their willpower a little bit.  Another thing I encourage people to do is — if there’s a behavior that they put off or don’t do because of anxiety or self-doubt or because it’s boring or uncomfortable — bribe yourself. If you hate exercise but truly, truly want the consequences of exercising, you should give yourself permission to do whatever you don’t want to let yourself do — like read trashy gossip magazines, or download a whole series of a TV show that you can plop on in front of you on the treadmill. As long as it doesn’t conflict with your goal, then you should go ahead and pair the thing you don’t want to do with a reward that you might otherwise not give yourself permission for. That can be very effective for beginning to prioritize and make time for things.  Also, give yourself permission to do small steps rather than think that there’s an ideal you need to meet.

I think that from top to bottom, making your resolution social allows you to access different supports, both internal and external. One more reason to go public — being a role model for someone. People will do things when they know that they’re inspiring change in others. It’s a natural progression that you see in many areas — whether it’s people who are recovering from addiction, or someone embarking on a physical challenge. This is what people naturally do.

One of the big lessons from The Science of Willpower is if you really fight the inner experiences, it’s not going to end well. If you decide you’re going to fight cravings, fight thoughts, fight emotions, you put all your energy and attention into trying to change the inner experiences. People tend to get more stuck, and more overwhelmed. When you try to control the things that aren’t really under your control, you get to feeling more out of control. Whereas where you really have the freedom is in your choices.

Where do you struggle with will power? What tips do you have for others?

It takes willpower

The Power of Finding Positives About Yourself

When working with a client using CBT, one of the things we try to do is understand the person’s core belief(s).  Core beliefs are the very essence of how we see ourselves, the world and the future.  These tend to develop over time through our experiences.  They are strongly held, rigid and inflexible.  We tend to maintain them by focusing on information that supports the belief and filtering out that which doesn’t.

Here is an example:  Jane has grown up with the core belief of, “I am unlovable.”  Jane really focuses on those moments when she feels unlovable, like when her flatmate says something about how Jane forgot to do the dishes, but doesn’t pay attention to the fact that the flatmate also said that Jane did a great job of cleaning the bathroom.

In CBT, we try to figure out what the core belief is, what is maintaining it and feeding it, and then work to change the self-belief.  One of the ways we do this is to come up with a new core belief that the client would like to have.  So in Jane’s situation, she might come up with a new core belief of “I am lovable.”  Because her view of the world and others is so skewed toward the negative, we have to start having her find positive evidence about this belief.  It’s not easy, but it’s doable.  One way of doing this is to use a Positive Personal Qualities worksheet.

As you can see, you are looking for situations where positive things about the person have happened.  We tend to start in the sessions as people will filter out info, so that they can practice seeing themselves in a positive light.   Over time, as you filter out the negative and focus on the positive, you will eventually start to develop a new core belief.  There is power in finding positives!